Distractions, Clutter, and Creating Problems for Oneself

Why is this blog called Art, Music and Other Shiny Objects? Maybe it's for the same reason I haven't posted in the past six or so months: I tend to get a teensy-weensy bit distracted. Can you relate to that? It's ridiculous.

I pet sit this dog named Mac. Mac is awesome. And, it turns out that Mac LOVES snow (go figure). It gives him a bit of DADD (Doggie Attention Deficit Disorder).

Mac is about two and a half years old, and finally starting to mellow from a wild puppy-hood. But he still has tons of energy. It's my job to take him out and throw the ball a whole lot, running him like mad so he'll be too tired to cause any mischief. The goal is to use up a great lot of his energy, and in the summer this is not an issue. I throw the ball far (thanks to the Chuck-it; whoever invented it should be a millionaire), he runs for it, runs back, and we repeat until he's wiped out.

However, in the snow... not so much. I throw the ball once, he gets it, and runs off to frolic in the snow. He eventually brings it back, but he goes straight to a big snow drift and plops the ball in it. The he pushes it down with his paw and buries it. Then he digs like mad to find it, only to bury it again. So basically, Mac creates problems to solve them. He loves it. He has a great time. But alas, Mac is not focused on our goal.

You may think it silly for me to expect a dog to focus on, or even be aware of or care about a goal. And, you'd be right. But stick with me, because this is not about Mac the dog. This is about me, and perhaps about you, too.

I have a really hard time staying focused on the goal. And actually, like Mac, I don't even care about the damn goal when I'm lost in a world of snow. "Snow" for me being Facebook, the internet generally, articles, memes, friends that want to hang out, music videos, wine, food, all important cat videos... you get the picture. And if that's not bad enough, I too create problems and solve them.

This really needs to stop. And the beginning of a new year seems like a good time. But how?

I'm starting to realize that I'm a terrible decision maker. This accounts for the clutter on my desk and in my apartment, and that all leads to a cluttered mind. Just a few minutes ago I wasn't sure where to go with this post, and I suddenly found myself surfing Facebook on my phone. While sitting in front of my computer! I hardly remember even reaching for my phone. I think it's just a habit; can't decide what to do? Reach for a distraction.
It seems that distraction is a symptom of indecision. And why would a person not want to decide? Because we don't want to make a wrong choice. Or we don't trust ourselves to make a right choice. It's easier for me to look at Facebook, or to go find a snack, and then forget where was and what I was doing before. And this really is a form of procrastination.

So, this year, I want to be a great decision maker. Which is not to say that I want to make great decisions - I do, but my first intent is to just make a lot of decisions. With practice I'll get better at it, right?
New affirmations: I trust myself to decide. Deep down I know what the right decision is, and if I pay attention, it will be obvious.

As for Mac, I think I'll just let him have fun in the snow. One of the perks of being a dog.

Day 93, 100 Happy Days: Inspiration

I woke up this morning with a serious knowing that I have to make some changes in my life. I had the distinct feeling that it was time to recreate myself. To change the direction of my story.
Don't get me wrong - in many ways things are going better than they have in ages. But... that can be challenging. That means that I can actually see where I want to go (which is good), but it also means that I see the distance left to traverse. I can see a glimmer of hope, but I can't quite grasp it. Sometimes I even know the things I need to do, just not how to do them.
That was were I was at when I got out of bed.

I sat with my coffee and wrote about my dissatisfaction in my morning pages. I made a list of eleven things I need to do to move forward - many of them things I need to do every damn day. Daunting, to say the least.

Then I decided to pop in a dvd while I unpacked a box of art supplies. It was a documentary, and I knew nothing about it. I saw it at the library one day, it's called "Who Does She Think She Is?" On the back cover it said "A compelling documentary film on women artists... explores the barriers to the creative process and how art ultimately transforms women's lives and those around them."
I'm a woman, I'm an artist. I picked it up.
It's due back tomorrow, so I thought I'd watch it for a bit while I unwrapped a shipment of canvases. I really thought I'd turn it off after ten minutes.

But I didn't. And in fact, somehow it changed everything up for me. (By the way, I know I'm late to the table on this one - the movie is from 2008. Why did I never hear about this before?!)

The documentary profiled five women who were creating their art while raising kids. They're not not necessarily successful (by traditional definitions), but they're doing it. They're doing it because they have to. Because they can't not do it. They do it knowing that the art world is sexist and that art created by women is not received with the same respect of art that is created by men. But they still do it. They squeeze it in - an hour here, an hour there. They do it even though sometimes their marriages crumbled. Art to them is not a hobby, it's a passion.
And that, is inspiring.

In the end, my head was buzzing with ideas. Classes I want to teach, classes I want to take, creative ideas. Art projects. And, ways to make some of those changes that were on the list of eleven things. Instead of looking for ways to motivate myself, I am now inspired to make the changes. And that makes all the difference. And that makes me happy.

Day 84, 100 Happy Days: Acupuncture

It's been a weird few days. Pet sitting, combined with the snow, and canceled classes had me out of sorts this weekend. Even though my pet sitting job ended today and I got to go home (which normally makes me pretty darn gleeful), I was cranky. I think the cold does that to me sometimes (snow I like - cold, not so much). Also, I was in a fair amount of pain. Luckily I had an acupuncture appointment already scheduled for this afternoon.

I can't say enough good things about acupuncture. I was in tears when I went in, and I floated out of there over an hour later with a big smile on my face.

Also, they were celebrating the Chinese New Year, and I got a free tincture! Chosen specifically for me by my practitioner. My blend is called "free and easy". Yup, could use some free and easy in my life about now!

By the way, I recommend Meeting Point Community Acupuncture. They charge on a sliding scale $20-$40 per session. Totally affordable, and totally awesome.

And... a painted blue tree stump in the snow...

Day 80, 100 Happy Days: Tea, Toast and Morning Pages

House sitting. I carved out a half hour for myself and found a nice patch of sun to have a lovely cup of tea, a delicious slice of toast and to write my morning pages.

One of the nice things (and sometimes not-so-nice), is that house sitting gets me out of my usual routine. I don't always carve this sort of time out for myself when I'm at home. Easier in someone else's home for some reason.

Day 74, 100 Happy Days: A Day Off

What was there to NOT be happy about today?
Don't answer that. There is always something to not be happy about. But the good news is that there is always something to be happy about. (Hence 100 Happy Days.)

My point being that I found many things to be happy about today...
I actually cleared my schedule and took a day off. And I actually got myself to an acupuncture appointment, which always feels like really good self care (I hadn't been there in months). It was a gorgeous day - blue skies, and stupidly warm (high of 63, but I swear it felt like 73 degrees).

I spent about 8 minutes total talking to people today - and that was just my acupuncturist and a librarian.
I took two naps.
I had a mocha and a delicious banana/blueberry smoothie (not simultaneously).

Today was a good day.

Also, perspective: I was looking for an old photo just now and I came across a video I made in January 2013. Back then - when my mom was sick - I was doing these vlogs - like video journals - just for myself, because I was too tired to write. Usually I'd do them driving home at night, so it would be somewhat of a brain dump. (I'd turn the camera on and put it on the dash - I wasn't looking at the camera as it recorded.)
All I can say is: what a difference a couple of years make. Anytime I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed now, I should just watch one of those vlogs. I'm so thankful that phase of my life is over.

Yes, life is good.

Day 71, 100 Happy Days: Taking A Break (aka Couch Time)

"Wide Open" Acrylic on Canvas Board ©Tabetha Hastings

I completely fell down today. Not literally - I mean gravity didn't actually take me down, but... life did. Big, crushing, too much to do, burning the candle at both ends, modern day LIFE. I felt like hell, was coming down with some sinus thing, and was emotionally a wreck. I desperately needed a break - a day off at the least - but how could I afford to take one??

My body had different ideas. I knew that if I didn't take one when I felt like I was coming down with the sinus thing, I would be forced to take one when the sinus thing really grabbed hold. Which meant I couldn't afford not to take a break. So, I spend the day lying on my couch reveling in the silence. Sometimes I'd get up and go to bed for a bit. It would have been a really beautiful thing had I felt good enough to fully enjoy it. Ah well.

Around 10pm I started feeling better, physically and emotionally. Hallelujah! Let's hear it for breaks! I took most of a day off and sort of enjoyed it, and it may have saved me having to take a week or more off in misery.

The Power of Intention. Also, Shiva.

Evolutionary Leap acrylic on board (4 panels) ©Tabetha Hastings

I went to bed last night wishing to recommit to myself, and indeed woke up with a refreshed sense of renewal. Intention can be powerful.

The song running through my head when I woke up was "God Shiva" by MeShelle Ndegeocello (below).

I did a quick online search for Shiva and found this very relevant tidbit at sanatansociety.org:

"...Shiva is responsible for change both in the form of death and destruction and in the positive sense of destroying the ego, the false identification with the form. This also includes the shedding of old habits and attachments. All that has a beginning by necessity must have an end. In destruction, truly nothing is destroyed but the illusion of individuality. Thus the power of destruction associated with Lord Shiva has great purifying power, both on a more personal level when problems make us see reality more clearly, as on a more universal level. Destruction opens the path for a new creation of the universe, a new opportunity for the beauty and drama of universal illusion to unfold." 

I am listening, and allowing.

Happiness Project Day 91: Ponytail and Permission to Chill

I started locking up my hair back in November of 2012, so I've had this head of hair for roughly a year and a half. (By coincidence, November of 2012 was the same month my mom got sick...)

For at least the past 8 months my hair has been at that awful in-between stage where it's in my face, but I can't pull it back. So I wear scarves or pigtails in an effort to get it out of the way. But today I discovered (by accident) that I can finally pull my hair back with one band. Yay!!
Life just got easier.

Another happy thing today: I gave myself permission to chill out for a few hours. I've been burning the candle at both ends for awhile, and forcing myself to work. There has been a little kid inside of me complaining and whining and fighting me at every turn. She's been throwing a fit screaming I DON'T WANNA WORK!!
Today I decided to listen to her. I stopped pushing myself, let go of everything I was going to do this afternoon (except for my 6:30 class), and chilled out. It made me crazy happy to do that! I walked into my bedroom and fell blissfully back into my bed like I was doing the Nestea plunge!

For you youngsters who don't know about the Nestea plunge...

Happiness Project Day 75: Acupuncture

Yep, that's me!

Who would have thought that having needles stuck into them could be such a blissful experience? Certainly not me. But that's exactly how I feel when I go to my acupuncture appointments.

I'm not sure if everyone has this experience, or if it's just me. (I've never heard anyone talk about this but it's hard to believe that it's uncommon.) I go into a deep state of relaxation when I'm in that chair. Not necessarily sleep... it's more like a meditation state. And when I'm done I feel incredibly revived and refreshed and blissed out. It's like taking a nice long nap. I leave there happy and ready to face the world. (And the big question: Is it helping the issues that brought me there? Yes, yes it is. I'm seeing results.)

In addition to all this, it's really wonderful doing something for me. Something that is good for me. Caring for my self. 

Me again. Arm, this time.

If you're in the Denver metro area, I highly recommend Meeting Point Acupuncture: http://meetingpointacupuncture.com 

They're on Broadway just south of Virginia, and they charge on a sliding scale: $20-$40. Amazing. 

Yep, getting poked with needles made me very happy today. :)

Happiness Project Day 74: A Day Off

Days off are rare in my world, and having a Sunday off is nearly unheard of - I get (take) maybe two a year. Don't get me wrong - I'm not out there digging ditches for a living. In fact, my Sundays are great: I've got my awesome Artist's Way Group and Paint Club, and I love it.

However... It's nice to take a break. Today I slept in, walked a dog, read, wrote, went home and did exactly an hour and a half of work on my computer, and then took a nice long leisurely nap. Got up, got myself together and headed out to have dinner with a friend and catch up with each other's lives. 

T'was a good day off, indeed. 

Happiness Project Day 63: Shifting my Perspective

If you've ever worked with me, you might remember that I rarely take breaks. I may show up for work late, but I'll work through breaks and lunch, and stay until the job is done. Why? Because I'm insane.

Seriously, I don't know why. I guess I figure I need to strike while the iron's hot, while I have the energy, the focus, and the motivation.

I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone why this is a really bad way to operate.

Now I work for myself, and although still not great at taking breaks; I am trying. Today I got so overwhelmed sorting through last year's finances in preparation for taxes (yes, I'm one of those last minute tax people), that I just wanted to go to bed. And I almost did. But a little voice in my head said just get outside.

Far be it from me to argue with a voice in my head, so outside I went. Do you know it's a whole other world out there? Flowers were blooming, birds were singing, and nobody was concerned about spreadsheets.

My perspective shifted, and I went back to work refreshed and happy in the knowledge that I did something good for myself.

I just may be a break-taker after all.

My Happiness Project Day 42: Change of Focus

I had some big-time first world self-employed artist technical issues today. Okay, not THAT big-time, but that's how it felt. Not to bore anyone with details (which I already did on Facebook, anyway), the latest thing was that I found I had deleted the home page of my website in an I can't sleep so I should get some work done blurry-eyed bit of 6am craziness that I can hardly remember. Brilliant.

An hour ago I was pretty cranky about it. In the old days (like... 43 days ago), I would have muscled through it, recreated the webpage, and moved on to the rest of my work without a break. And my body and my psyche would have (and have in the past) suffered for it. But because I'm committed to this project, I went looking for something to make me happy. Someplace to focus that was not on my work. So I emailed my website host about the missing page, and I went for a walk.

Talk about an instant state change! From cranky to oh - look - spring bulbs popping up and green grass! It was a short but lovely walk, and it did the trick. I came home and felt much better. AND I found that by the time I got back, my website peeps had restored my deleted page! (I didn't expect them to even get the email until tomorrow) Oh happy day!

My Happiness Project Day 41: Living Alone, Cooking For One, and Miles Davis

"Vino" ©Tabetha Hastings

Being alone is so underrated. I often take living alone for granted. I come home, get on my computer, get to work. Or get to Facebook. My mind is going going going, so I'm not appreciating the reality of my own time and space.
But tonight, I took a break. I put on some Miles Davis, had a glass of wine, and enjoyed cooking myself dinner.
Now, those who know me well, know that I do not like to cook. But that's not exactly true. I tend to get caught up in what I'm doing, and I don't like to take brakes to do some pesky thing like cooking. But also... I just don't like to cook for other people. I don't like the pressure for things to turn out well, or the multitasking of trying to carry on a conversation while trying to make things taste good and keep them from burning all at the same time. It's just too much for me!
But when I'm alone (and can break free from computer) it's really nice. So my bit of happiness today was fully enjoying my solitude, my cooking, my wine, and my Miles.

My Happiness Project Day 25: Happy to Be Feeling Happy

What makes me happy today is the fact that I've been able to stick with my happiness project! I'm now more than three weeks in, and definitely feeling the results. My outlook on life is substantially better than it was a month ago, I'm feeling better physically, and my brain is buzzing with ideas.

100happydays was the impetus (finding something to be happy about every day), and has been a major part of this transition, but there are some other things I've been doing that have helped immensely. Here are the other things that have helped me:

1) Self care.
This includes tons of sleep (something I can't seem to do easily every night lately because of all the great ideas spinning in my head), tons of water, and lots of vitamins and herbal supplements. Historically I've been very bad at taking supplements, but I've been adamant about it this week.

2) Morning pages.
This one is huge. The Morning Pages is a method used in The Artist's Way program and is really wonderful. Three pages of long-hand writing first thing in the morning. An unedited brain dump. It's a good thing.

3) Meditation.
Of these three this is the one that I've done the least, but when I do, I notice a difference in my mood and my clarity of thought. I definitely need to meditate more often.

Next on the list will be to incorporate some exercise (besides the very minimal yoga I've been doing at home). Honestly, my physical energy hasn't popped back up yet. I've been feeling better emotionally, but not quite as much physically. Soon, though.

Striving for Balance

Balance

Balance is not something I've ever been good at, and it's particularly challenging at this point in my life.
Running a small business and trying to have a life is difficult. I'm lucky that parts of my business are fairly social (teaching and hosting art openings), so I get that need for social interaction met. However... I'm pretty much an introvert. To me this means that people (although I am a "people person" to a certain extent) exhaust me, and I need time to recharge alone. And that is where it gets dicey.

My alone time is filled with things that don't recharge me: bookwork, marketing, accounting, laundry... tasks. Although I know I need to take time for myself, until recently I just couldn't ever seem to fit it in.


Life Pie

One of the tasks in Artist's Way is to draw a life pie (see my most current one above). The life pie helps you see where you are out of balance in your life. It helps you to see where you need help.
Here's how you do it:

• Draw a circle and divide it into six sections: six pieces of pie.
• Label one piece spirituality, another exercise, another play, and so on with work, friends, and romance/adventure. 
• Place a dot in each slice at the degree to which you are fulfilled in that area (outer rim means you are happy and fulfilled, inner circle means you're not doing so well).
• Connect the dots. This will show you where you are out of balance. 

Clearly I need to make some changes in the romance/adventure work departments. Spirituality, exercise and play, are holding steady, while I am very happy with my friends.
Now, I sort of new this already, but something about charting it out really brings it into focus. It also gives me something I can post up to remind me what I need to work on. 
My life pie looks a bit lop-sided, but it's an improvement over the one I did a few months ago. Baby steps.

Boundries
Lately I've found boundaries to be very helpful. Of course I've always heard the phrase "you've got to set boundaries", but... I've never been good at it. Or perhaps I didn't believe that it really worked or perhaps I didn't have enough respect for myself to set them. Whatever the case, I'm getting better at it. Taking baby steps seems to be the key.

In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron says that treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong. That's counter to what we're taught, but I'm starting to believe it to be true. How would you treat a precious object? With care. Getting enough sleep, exercise, nutrition, water, fun and quiet time will do one wonders.

Boundaries are key to doing this. You must set boundaries with other people, and with yourself (limiting your tv, facebook, gaming... whatever is eating your time. Here are some things that I've found helpful.

Got a smart phone that feels like an appendage?
iPhone "Do Not Disturb" feature
Smart phones have made life easier in some ways, and much more difficult in others. One of the best features that iPhone has come up with is the 'do not disturb' setting. Brilliant. I have my phone set to automatically go to do not disturb mode between 10pm and noon. The thing that makes do not disturb even better, is that you can set it so that certain phone numbers ring through. So I know that if my mom needs me, she can reach me.

Checking facebook and whatever else on your phone
I know someone that had great results limiting her Facebook time by setting her phone to not remember her log in information. So every time she wants to check Facebook, she has to type all of her log in information. I haven't been that bold, but I did bury my Facebook app on the very last page of my apps, and it's in a group with other apps; now I have to scroll and then click twice to get to it.

I've lots more tips, but they'll have to wait until another time; right now my body is screaming for some exercise. Must stay balanced, you know.
I'd love to hear your tips for drawing boundaries and staying balanced - please share!