Today is my 47th birthday.
I lost my mom two weeks ago today. I am completely heartbroken and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I do not want to celebrate. What I want to do is stay in bed all day long. Sleep. Cry. Wallow. Repeat.
But that's not what my mom would want me to do. I'm alive, and she would want me to celebrate life.
The Power of Facebook
Think what you will about it, you can't deny that Facebook can be a powerful platform. A community, even. I feel very supported by my Facebook community (most of who I know in person). I was reluctant to log on today and see all those birthday wishes. I'd rather ignore the fact that it's my birthday; this is the beginning of my first year on this planet without the person who brought me here. Living in a world without my mother just doesn't seem right.
I nearly took my birthday off of my profile so that it wouldn't send reminders, but I figured that might bum me out, too. So I left it, and the well wishes poured in. Some of them make me cry, but it's good to know I'm supported.
One of my Facebook friends (who I've never met) posted this to my wall:
"You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it. You were born with the right to be happy, to love and to share your love." - don Miguel Ruiz
It was exactly what I needed to see. This is what my mother wants for me, I'm quite sure of it. So, difficult as it may be right now, it's what I'm going to strive for.
The Power of Music
Also on my page this morning, a video from Playing for Change: Three Little Birds.
We talk about the transformative power of music, and indeed, music is powerful. I have a friend who says that Elton John saved his life. How many times has music gotten you through?
Three Little Birds is one of the songs that has gotten me through, and saved my day on more than one occasion, if not my life.
Although I'm a big fan of Playing For Change, I'm posting the Bob Marley version here because I like it so much better. And because my mom loved Bob Marley.
So, what am I doing to celebrate life on my 47th birthday? I'm going to Lakeside Amusement Park. And I'm going to ride the roller coaster as the sun goes down, and I'm going to scream, and I'm going to feel alive. And I'm going to honor my mother by living instead of wallowing.