Treasures From Another Time

My mother passed away three weeks ago, and I've had the task and honor of sorting through her things. It's been everything you might imagine; heart-wrenching, tedious, a lot of work, and... it's definitely been an adventure.

There was an awful lot of stuff. We lived in a two-bedroom apartment, but somehow she was still able to pack years and years and years of stuff into her two bedroom closets, many drawers, cabinets... anywhere she could fit it.

Most of it I was able to sort through and give away easily; decades of clothes, for instance. But every once in awhile I come across a treasure. Clues to who my mother was before I came around. Tonight I found this beat up old, plaid, zipper coin purse. It was filled with papers from the early 60s (I was born in 1966). I'm sure these were things that really didn't mean much to her - probably just an old purse she never got around to cleaning out. But to me... well these are wondrous things from a time gone by.

There is a Certificate of Vaccination for a dog - Musty - that I don't remember. But I do remember my mom talking about her; Musty was pregnant while mom was pregnant with me. They'd take midnight walks in the summer in New York City after the heat of the day. She said that no one would bother a pregnant woman with a pregnant dog.
Musty, according to the certificate, was vaccinated for distemper, leptospirosis, and infections hepatitis. Huh.

One of my favorite items is my mom's Cabaret and Public Dance Hall Employee's Identification Card (on top of the pile with her picture looking a bit like a mug shot). On the back side of the card it shows that she was a 22 year old waitress, and that her "assumed name" was Marina Milwaukee. How fun is THAT?!


There were some pawn tickets (she got $3 for a toaster), a rent receipt ($82.00!!), a few business cards for bars and restaurants ("Have you been there...your friends have" was one slogan), and a 1967 calendar from White Tower. Very cool stuff. Oh - and there was also some things of my grandfather - some business cards, and it looks like my mother's license to sell real estate at her father's office.

I also found this really cool sketch of two women at a cafe of some sort, looking super cool with their dark glasses (which of course reminds me of Andy Warhol). The sketch is signed "Peter '65".

Who is this Peter? And who are the women? I suspect it could be my mom's friend Iris on the left, and my mom on the right. But who knows?

A mystery to solve...

The Power of Music, Facebook, and Celebrating Life.

Today is my 47th birthday.
I lost my mom two weeks ago today. I am completely heartbroken and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I do not want to celebrate. What I want to do is stay in bed all day long. Sleep. Cry. Wallow. Repeat.

But that's not what my mom would want me to do. I'm alive, and she would want me to celebrate life.

The Power of Facebook
Think what you will about it, you can't deny that Facebook can be a powerful platform. A community, even. I feel very supported by my Facebook community (most of who I know in person). I was reluctant to log on today and see all those birthday wishes. I'd rather ignore the fact that it's my birthday; this is the beginning of my first year on this planet without the person who brought me here. Living in a world without my mother just doesn't seem right.

I nearly took my birthday off of my profile so that it wouldn't send reminders, but I figured that might bum me out, too. So I left it, and the well wishes poured in. Some of them make me cry, but it's good to know I'm supported.

One of my Facebook friends (who I've never met) posted this to my wall:

"You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it. You were born with the right to be happy, to love and to share your love." - don Miguel Ruiz

It was exactly what I needed to see.  This is what my mother wants for me, I'm quite sure of it. So, difficult as it may be right now, it's what I'm going to strive for.

The Power of Music
Also on my page this morning, a video from Playing for Change: Three Little Birds.
We talk about the transformative power of music, and indeed, music is powerful. I have a friend who says that Elton John saved his life. How many times has music gotten you through?

Three Little Birds is one of the songs that has gotten me through, and saved my day on more than one occasion, if not my life.
Although I'm a big fan of Playing For Change, I'm posting the Bob Marley version here because I like it so much better. And because my mom loved Bob Marley.



So, what am I doing to celebrate life on my 47th birthday? I'm going to Lakeside Amusement Park. And I'm going to ride the roller coaster as the sun goes down, and I'm going to scream, and I'm going to feel alive.  And I'm going to honor my mother by living instead of wallowing.

Inspiration vs Motivation

There is a subtle but important distinction between inspiration and motivation for me. I prefer to work from an inspired place, rather than a motivated place. Inspiration beckons, while motivation pushes. Inspiration says "Do this and you'll feel great!" while motivation says "You better do this...or you'll feel awful!"Inspiration pulls, motivation pushes.

You may remember the video of Aurthur Boorman; the disabled veteran who was overweight and walking with crutches and leg braces. He had accepted the fact that he'd never walk unassisted again, and that he'd probably be dead in a few years.
At some point he must have had a glimmer of hope, because he started doing yoga (which he documents in the video).  He ended up losing a whole lot of weight, and transformed himself so much that he is actually running at the end of the video.
Now that's what I call inspiration!

Below is the extended version of the video that has been circulating online for some time now. This guy is definitely my hero, and - in fact - my inspiration.

Striving for Balance

Balance

Balance is not something I've ever been good at, and it's particularly challenging at this point in my life.
Running a small business and trying to have a life is difficult. I'm lucky that parts of my business are fairly social (teaching and hosting art openings), so I get that need for social interaction met. However... I'm pretty much an introvert. To me this means that people (although I am a "people person" to a certain extent) exhaust me, and I need time to recharge alone. And that is where it gets dicey.

My alone time is filled with things that don't recharge me: bookwork, marketing, accounting, laundry... tasks. Although I know I need to take time for myself, until recently I just couldn't ever seem to fit it in.


Life Pie

One of the tasks in Artist's Way is to draw a life pie (see my most current one above). The life pie helps you see where you are out of balance in your life. It helps you to see where you need help.
Here's how you do it:

• Draw a circle and divide it into six sections: six pieces of pie.
• Label one piece spirituality, another exercise, another play, and so on with work, friends, and romance/adventure. 
• Place a dot in each slice at the degree to which you are fulfilled in that area (outer rim means you are happy and fulfilled, inner circle means you're not doing so well).
• Connect the dots. This will show you where you are out of balance. 

Clearly I need to make some changes in the romance/adventure work departments. Spirituality, exercise and play, are holding steady, while I am very happy with my friends.
Now, I sort of new this already, but something about charting it out really brings it into focus. It also gives me something I can post up to remind me what I need to work on. 
My life pie looks a bit lop-sided, but it's an improvement over the one I did a few months ago. Baby steps.

Boundries
Lately I've found boundaries to be very helpful. Of course I've always heard the phrase "you've got to set boundaries", but... I've never been good at it. Or perhaps I didn't believe that it really worked or perhaps I didn't have enough respect for myself to set them. Whatever the case, I'm getting better at it. Taking baby steps seems to be the key.

In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron says that treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong. That's counter to what we're taught, but I'm starting to believe it to be true. How would you treat a precious object? With care. Getting enough sleep, exercise, nutrition, water, fun and quiet time will do one wonders.

Boundaries are key to doing this. You must set boundaries with other people, and with yourself (limiting your tv, facebook, gaming... whatever is eating your time. Here are some things that I've found helpful.

Got a smart phone that feels like an appendage?
iPhone "Do Not Disturb" feature
Smart phones have made life easier in some ways, and much more difficult in others. One of the best features that iPhone has come up with is the 'do not disturb' setting. Brilliant. I have my phone set to automatically go to do not disturb mode between 10pm and noon. The thing that makes do not disturb even better, is that you can set it so that certain phone numbers ring through. So I know that if my mom needs me, she can reach me.

Checking facebook and whatever else on your phone
I know someone that had great results limiting her Facebook time by setting her phone to not remember her log in information. So every time she wants to check Facebook, she has to type all of her log in information. I haven't been that bold, but I did bury my Facebook app on the very last page of my apps, and it's in a group with other apps; now I have to scroll and then click twice to get to it.

I've lots more tips, but they'll have to wait until another time; right now my body is screaming for some exercise. Must stay balanced, you know.
I'd love to hear your tips for drawing boundaries and staying balanced - please share!

Supporting My Mom in Her Adventures With Lung Cancer

Note: I purposely did not use the words "fight against lung cancer" in this blog post title because for me it has very negative connotations. I think that fighting is generally a bad choice in life. I prefer to think of my mother working with her body in the healing process. Also, it has indeed been - and continues to be - an adventure...

Three years ago I quit my job to follow my dream of pursuing art as a career. My mother wanted to help, so we each packed up our one bedroom apartments and moved into a very small two bedroom apartment. We did this to minimize expenses while I got my business off the ground. The business I've created - Painting Soiree on Santa Fe - is my life. So is my mother.

My mom hasn't been able to work since November of 2012. Since the majority of my income goes right back into my business in the form of supplies to keep working, our finances took a terrible hit. Suddenly I was responsible for the majority of the bills. Not only that, I am my mom's only child (we lost my sister in 1995), and she is the last of my immediate family, so I've taken time away from my business to care for her.

On one hand, I'm lucky to be able to take some time off since I'm self-employed.

On the other hand... I don't get paid if I don't work.

Added to the enormous medical bills that we're facing, there are additional expenses in the form of medical equipment and supplies, medications, as well as basic living expenses that I'm having trouble covering. Making matters worse, I can't work as much as I did because I spend a great deal of time caring for and supporting my mom. I'm honored to do this. She's been an amazing mom, and I want to give her the best care that I can. But frankly, I'm exhausted. And I often feel crushed under the weight of the responsibility.

You see, my mom, Linda, was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma (lung cancer) on January 2nd of this year. She had gone to the emergency room because she could hardly breathe or eat. It turns out she had a large tumor between her trachea and her esophagus, and it was pressing on both. Soon after being admitted to the ICU she had to be intubated to keep the fast growing tumor from crushing her windpipe, and she couldn't speak for three weeks. She could only communicate by writing, which the nurses and I could only understand about half of the time.  It was devastating to see her like that, and there were times when I didn't think she'd make it. She spent the first five weeks of this year in the hospital.

She is now home. She's weak from the terrible hit her body has taken from radiation, chemo, and being off her feet for five weeks, but her spirits are high.

People ask me what they can do for us; really the thing that we need the most right now is money. We need to pay the bills, and I would love to have some of this pressure taken off of me, so I can focus on my mother.

I've always been very independent, and asking for help is not easy for me. It’s taken quite a bit of thought, reflection and courage to get to this point to reach out and ask, but I am asking. There is no donation too small and every little bit helps.

If you would like to help out with expenses, please visit http://www.gofundme.com/24l96g

Thank you so much for helping me support the woman who has supported me!