Women's Health and Body Image

"Ignorance Is Bliss" ©Tabetha Hastings

I did not wake up in the best possible way this morning. Before I even opened my eyes I realized I had a headache. I thought I'd distract myself with some Facebook and perhaps the headache would leave, but... no.

The news on my Facebook feed was not good: one friend (yet another friend) was just diagnosed with cancer, and another needs an operation. Another was in chronic pain, and there were others in various states of physical and mental anguish.

Bad news everywhere. I laid there wondering what to say to these people. How could I find the words to soothe them? And, of course, it brings up my own fears about illness.

If you're like me and believe in the Law of Attraction, you know how I felt at that moment, focusing on the negative; it's bad enough to attract what you don't want by focusing on it, but it's doubly bad if you know you're doing it. It made me want to quit Facebook and put my head in the sand just so I could feel okay. If I don't know about it it doesn't exist, right? 

Of course I'm not going to isolate to escape the bad news of friends. This is life on planet Earth, and bad things do happen to good people. Besides, if you isolate from the bad news, you isolate from the good news as well. The key to riding out the storm and being able to support others is setting my own tone. Finding my balance and my connection to source before even attempting to anything to my friends who are hurting.

So instead of focusing on the negative, I laid there thought my way to a somewhat better feeling place. (Ask if you'd like to know how I do that.)

Then I got out of bed, and immediately had negative thoughts about my body. My knee hurt, my body was stiff and all I could think was how I wanted to lose my huge thighs.

I limped my way to my desk on my poor knee, and sat down to Facebook again.
Miraculously, a video about loving your body came across my feed. In the early part of the video, women were asked to describe their bodies with one word. They said things like wobbly, ugly, disgusting... horrible things. I was shocked at how extreme the words were, but not surprised that's what they thought. I know very few women who love the way their bodies look.
Myself, I've been working on clearing the negative self-talk for some time. It's there, but not nearly as severe as these women (huge thighs, anyone?). I would hope that if asked to describe my body in a word I would say strong, resilient, lush, voluptuous or healthy.
On a good day I would.

The question I have is: How can you hate your body?? Your body is where you live. It's how you move through this world. I may not love the way my body looks all the time, but I love my body, and I love what it can do, and those are important distinctions to make.

Watching the video, I couldn't help think that there is a correlation between hating one's body and disease. I'm certainly not saying that everyone who is sick started out by hating their body, but given how rampant body hatred and disease both are, there might be a connection.

What would happen if we truly loved and appreciated our bodies? Would our beautiful cells respond with perfect health? If not, what's the worse thing that would happen? We'd be happier. And the advertisers, cosmetic companies, plastic surgeons and anyone else who tries to make us feel like we're not good enough - would be a little bit less wealthy.

So, my challenge to all women, is to love your bodies. Even if you think that I'm crazy and there is no correlation between health and body image... love your body anyway. Love your body because it feels better to love your body. Love your body because you deserve to love your body.

The first step to that is accepting your body. It's hard, but you can do it. Realize that body hatred is probably a deeper issue than just hating the way you look. There are other issues that need to be addressed, and only you know what they are. When you're ready, you will address them, work through them and move forward.

Watch the video here - this woman lost weight, became a body builder, and still suffered from the same issues as before. We've got to deal with our issues ladies. We've got to own our shit.

There is a ton of information out there on this topic, and I'm no expert. I'm only going from my experience, and the following things have really helped me:

• First of all, listen to your self-talk. What are you saying about your body, about your abilities? What are you saying about yourself? Catch yourself when you say something bad and ask would my best friend say that to me? (If the answer is yes, then you need a new best friend!)
• Some other things to feel better: 
• Focus on what your body can do, not what it looks like.
• Focus on what you body can do, not it's limitations.

• Turn your negatives into positives. For example, you could say: 
• My thighs are big, but they make a great lap for a cat/dog/kid.
• My feet are wide, but I stand firm on the ground. And they get me to where I need to go.
• My arms may be not be toned, but they give great hugs. 

Why are you talking trash about a body that serves you so well? What would you do without your arms? What would I do if I actually lost my huge thighs? Because you know what? I don't really want to lose my thighs, I just want to lose some of the fat. My thighs are great. They are key part of my mobility and I'd like to keep them, thank you very much.

Bottom line: appreciate your body, it's the only one you've got. 
And just maybe if you learn to love and appreciate it, your body will be healthier for it.

A note to anyone who reads this and is thinks just get your fat ass to the gym: 
Okay, there's a thought. But it would be a HELL of a lot easier to get to the gym when you're feeling better about your body. You're not going to work out if you feel like the entire gym is judging you. And yes, people may judge, but we tend to judge ourselves more harshly. If we can accept ourselves as we are, we might not worry about people at the gym, which would make it easier to go.
Also, this body image issue does not only affect women who are out of shape. Women who are hitting the gym may just be going through it too.
Self love is the key.

My Happiness Project Day 50: Halfway There!!

Look at this matched set!

Today I am really happy just to have made it through 50 days of this project! Normal routine aside, 50 days of anything in a row is tremendous for the girl who is consistent only in her inconsistency.

It occurred to me yesterday that people may think that I'm happy all the time now. Tra-la-la, little old me, skipping along with not a care in the world.
Nope. Not the case, not at all. I'm most definitely not happy all the time. But I'm not sad all the time either, and I was sad a good lot of the time before I started this. Actually... I'm not sad that much at all. I'd say that I raised my overall vibration. My bad moments aren't all that bad right now.

The thing about happiness, is that it's only in the moment. And the memory of a moment, or anticipation of a moment. Same with sadness - nothing lasts. So, I look for something that makes me happy, and really feel it. I enjoy it, and I milk it for all it's worth. Then later, I write about it so that I can feel happy all over again. By the way - this is one reason I'm blogging about it rather than just posting a photo with a few words to Facebook or the 100happydays.com site. Writing about it puts me there in the moment again.

Something else that has been huge in this process is changing my environment. I know it's hard if you're not doing so well, but it really helps. My daily walks with the little dude in the picture have taken me outside of myself and shifted my focus to the broader perspective.

Bottom line: happiness can take some effort, and it's worth it.

Day 50 Bonus: First song of my morning walk today.  

What a beautiful world this will be, what a glorious time to be free...

5 Bits Advice for Beginning Painters

I've had a lot of beginning painters come through my studio in the three and a half years that I've been teaching my Painting Soiree workshops. There is much advice that I would like to give newbies based on my observations, and I have compiled some of it here. This advice works whether you're in a class or painting at home. I hope you find it helpful...

1) Don't expect to be a master painter right away.
Yes, I know that we live in an instant gratification society. And I know that the painting studios (including mine) tell you to come to class and paint your masterpiece. What we mean by that is come paint your masterpiece. Not Monet's, not Van Gogh's, not mine, not your neighbor's. When you come to my class I want you to create your own version of my painting. It will not look exactly like mine, nor should it. Painting is a form of expression; your expression.
I want you to love your painting, or at the very least be satisfied with it, and with the experience. One way to do that is to...

2) Keep it Simple
So many people come to my classes with big ideas of what they want to do with their painting, and it turns out that they've never painted before. I love confidence and a sense of adventure, and I really do encourage people to shake things up. But keep in mind that generally speaking, the more complex the idea, the harder it will be to put onto canvas.
If you haven't held a paint brush in your hand since you were six years old, then it might help to get some command over the brush before diving into something an experienced painter might hesitate to approach. Also it's good to...

3) Get out of your left brain and simply enjoy the process.
Painting can be very relaxing and therapeutic. To this day, I still enjoy watching the paint blend on the canvas. Watching yellow and blue turn into green before my eyes is such a soothing thing.
The majority of people who paint in my studio seem to have a similar experience, but every once in awhile someone has a really hard time getting out of that analytical mind. Trying too hard to make the paint look like something you think it should look like can be stressful.
Painting is an exercise in letting go. For those who have a harder time letting go, I recommend - well a myriad of things - but trying out abstract painting is a good start. (I happen to offer a fun abstract class...)
That said...

4) Painting is also about figuring it out.
Whenever I'm having a hard time with a painting, I try to remind myself that as an artist, I like to figure things out. It's one of the reasons I paint. I don't want it all laid out for me. I like to work at it and have the satisfaction of having found my way and figured it out.  And it gets easier to figure it out if you...

5) Practice, practice, practice!
Just like any other skill, the more you paint, the better you'll get. 

So, have fun with it. Forgive yourself. Be patient. Experiment. Explore. Read books, watch videos, but I encourage you to go to a class, take private lessons, or simply paint with people who are more experienced than you.

For a full list of classes and lessons that I offer, please visit http://PaintingSoiree.net

My Happiness Project Day 25: Happy to Be Feeling Happy

What makes me happy today is the fact that I've been able to stick with my happiness project! I'm now more than three weeks in, and definitely feeling the results. My outlook on life is substantially better than it was a month ago, I'm feeling better physically, and my brain is buzzing with ideas.

100happydays was the impetus (finding something to be happy about every day), and has been a major part of this transition, but there are some other things I've been doing that have helped immensely. Here are the other things that have helped me:

1) Self care.
This includes tons of sleep (something I can't seem to do easily every night lately because of all the great ideas spinning in my head), tons of water, and lots of vitamins and herbal supplements. Historically I've been very bad at taking supplements, but I've been adamant about it this week.

2) Morning pages.
This one is huge. The Morning Pages is a method used in The Artist's Way program and is really wonderful. Three pages of long-hand writing first thing in the morning. An unedited brain dump. It's a good thing.

3) Meditation.
Of these three this is the one that I've done the least, but when I do, I notice a difference in my mood and my clarity of thought. I definitely need to meditate more often.

Next on the list will be to incorporate some exercise (besides the very minimal yoga I've been doing at home). Honestly, my physical energy hasn't popped back up yet. I've been feeling better emotionally, but not quite as much physically. Soon, though.

Striving for Balance

Balance

Balance is not something I've ever been good at, and it's particularly challenging at this point in my life.
Running a small business and trying to have a life is difficult. I'm lucky that parts of my business are fairly social (teaching and hosting art openings), so I get that need for social interaction met. However... I'm pretty much an introvert. To me this means that people (although I am a "people person" to a certain extent) exhaust me, and I need time to recharge alone. And that is where it gets dicey.

My alone time is filled with things that don't recharge me: bookwork, marketing, accounting, laundry... tasks. Although I know I need to take time for myself, until recently I just couldn't ever seem to fit it in.


Life Pie

One of the tasks in Artist's Way is to draw a life pie (see my most current one above). The life pie helps you see where you are out of balance in your life. It helps you to see where you need help.
Here's how you do it:

• Draw a circle and divide it into six sections: six pieces of pie.
• Label one piece spirituality, another exercise, another play, and so on with work, friends, and romance/adventure. 
• Place a dot in each slice at the degree to which you are fulfilled in that area (outer rim means you are happy and fulfilled, inner circle means you're not doing so well).
• Connect the dots. This will show you where you are out of balance. 

Clearly I need to make some changes in the romance/adventure work departments. Spirituality, exercise and play, are holding steady, while I am very happy with my friends.
Now, I sort of new this already, but something about charting it out really brings it into focus. It also gives me something I can post up to remind me what I need to work on. 
My life pie looks a bit lop-sided, but it's an improvement over the one I did a few months ago. Baby steps.

Boundries
Lately I've found boundaries to be very helpful. Of course I've always heard the phrase "you've got to set boundaries", but... I've never been good at it. Or perhaps I didn't believe that it really worked or perhaps I didn't have enough respect for myself to set them. Whatever the case, I'm getting better at it. Taking baby steps seems to be the key.

In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron says that treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong. That's counter to what we're taught, but I'm starting to believe it to be true. How would you treat a precious object? With care. Getting enough sleep, exercise, nutrition, water, fun and quiet time will do one wonders.

Boundaries are key to doing this. You must set boundaries with other people, and with yourself (limiting your tv, facebook, gaming... whatever is eating your time. Here are some things that I've found helpful.

Got a smart phone that feels like an appendage?
iPhone "Do Not Disturb" feature
Smart phones have made life easier in some ways, and much more difficult in others. One of the best features that iPhone has come up with is the 'do not disturb' setting. Brilliant. I have my phone set to automatically go to do not disturb mode between 10pm and noon. The thing that makes do not disturb even better, is that you can set it so that certain phone numbers ring through. So I know that if my mom needs me, she can reach me.

Checking facebook and whatever else on your phone
I know someone that had great results limiting her Facebook time by setting her phone to not remember her log in information. So every time she wants to check Facebook, she has to type all of her log in information. I haven't been that bold, but I did bury my Facebook app on the very last page of my apps, and it's in a group with other apps; now I have to scroll and then click twice to get to it.

I've lots more tips, but they'll have to wait until another time; right now my body is screaming for some exercise. Must stay balanced, you know.
I'd love to hear your tips for drawing boundaries and staying balanced - please share!